But why painting? And why now?

I am not sure why I feel I need to justify my leave of absence with my painting but I guess I feel that I owe it to my paints & brush to explain myself 😂 or in this case my iPad. You know when you feel bad about something you have a close relationship with - be it a hobby/place/person - and you just can't seem to get around to spending time doing/visiting/seeing that thing you love? Well, that's how I have felt about my painting for a few years now & I do feel like - for myself & for those paints  that have sat untouched for so long - that the reason I left them behind needs telling.
.
I turn to my artwork when I need an out. Life gets crazy, the world feels too much to face, or heartache creeps back in again... so I turn to my painting to escape. Audiobook queued up, Apple Pencil poised for painting & away I go into a world where nothing can touch me - my mind goes blank & I forget about life for a while.
.
That type of escapism is lovely, it's needed when you're a mother, & it's a healthy way to cope with the world around you which is why I always enjoyed it. But when the heartache I was escaping from over & over again was that of numerous miscarriages - my painting took on a sad tone, it was no longer an escape I felt proud of. I associated painting with loss - so much loss. The last pattern I made was in 2021 when we had an early second-trimester loss, you can swipe back in my IG feed to find it. After I pushed through creating that pattern I didn't pick up a paintbrush again until just recently.
.
Lily Ellen's birth was like a rebirth of my creative self. The years we'd battled secondary infertility were put behind me, my heart was finally complete after adding our 3rd & final baby. But that's not to say the heartache didn't leave me. I suffered greatly from postpartum depression & the pressure to keep all of the plates spinning with our businesses. It took me a good 6 months to find myself again, to get the right meds so I could cope with my anxiety & finally, a year in to being a mother of 3, I feel I have finally figured it out.
.
That's why in November of 2023 I finally picked up my "paintbrush" again. I watched 100 million online tutorials to learn all of the things I had wanted to achieve when I purchased my iPad back in 2019. I made notes, worked out processes, I am learning about the massive world of digital art & all it can do for you as an artist.
.
I feel reborn again as we experience these last FIRSTS with Lily. I am finally finding who I am again as a woman, a mother, an artist - all the things. I am leaving my identity of "trying to conceive" & using my art as an escape to now, like Lily, growing rapidly with it as I discover all it can offer me, you & our family in 2024. I cannot wait to embark on this journey with you & I hope to make my paintbrush proud.